A Little Bit Of Me

As I travel through this life’s journey, I have come to realize some important things that should matter. Although for some, these may seem pointless. I’ll share it anyway.

Couple of years back, I used to ask myself this, “What am I living for? My life seems so meaningless?” I began questioning my existence. Do I really matter?

THE BIG SHOCK

Surely, God has his own ways of letting you know His answers. At an early age, I faced a huge and life changing responsibility. At 22, I conceived my child. Still, I questioned why is this happening to me. But that didn’t matter anymore. Of course, babies are blessings and not all women have the gift to bear a child. And so months passed by.

During the whole pregnancy thing, I felt all sort of anxiety, depression, guilt and it really felt unhealthy. If you are wondering if I delivered a healthy kid, Yes, I did. He was a healthy baby boy born through C-section.

THE BIGGER SHOCK

I named my first born, KING. From the moment he first stared at me until I held him in my arms, it was really priceless. As a first time mom, I feared that I might not be able to do the right things (like diaper change, nursing, putting him to sleep) BUT, when you became a mom, all the things you thought you cannot do, you’ll find yourself accomplishing all of it. They call it mother’s instinct.

When he was 2, I noticed odd gestures. He barely interacts with familiar faces, even with me. He likes to play alone, does not want to be bothered.

And so I ignored it and thought that he could be just a ‘late bloomer’. Well, things changed when I accidentally watched a movie that depicted a child with developmental delay.

I cried.

My kid has Autism. Mild Autism. My world shattered into pieces.

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THE BIGGEST SHOCK

They say, acceptance is the key. Once you accept everything that is happening in your life, you’ll be okay. Is this really true? Could be. But it is easier said than done.

Autism is not a curable disorder. In fact, it is a lifelong condition. There are those high functioning individuals that seem to outgrow the condition though early intervention.

It actually took me a while to accept and digest everything. Took me years actually. I mean, it is not easy as getting over your jerk ex boyfriend. I can even remember the sleepless nights, the nights that I cried myself to sleep. Thankfully, I am over it.

Now, my son is 4. He is not taking any therapy or medication. I just give him unlimited love, care and the most important thing, unending patience. From the day I found out I’d be a mom up to this very moment, I am proud to say that I have survived it all on my own.

Yes, I am a single mom. Doing everything I can for my little one.

King, if one day, you’ll be able to read this, I just want to let you know how grateful I am for having you as my son. I would not exchange you for anything in this world. You are God’s answer. You are the reason why I breathe. I love you, son.

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